Are you ready to stop dreading performance reviews, critiques, workshops, and debriefings?
As promised, here are my 6 easy steps to receiving feedback:

1. Listen. Don’t interject. If you have a clarifying question, ask it. Otherwise keep your mouth shut.
   
2. Say “thank you.” If someone is giving you feedback, either you asked for their opinion, or they are offering it because they believe in you and they want you to succeed.
   
3. Write it down. All of it. The stuff that resonates, the stuff that makes no sense, the stuff that pisses you off, the stuff that affirms what you already believe. Write it all down accurately because, as much as it doesn’t seem like you will ever forget the feeling of receiving feedback (especially tough feedback), you will, and you’ll want your notes for reference.
   
4. Sleep on it. Or go take a walk. Don’t think about the feedback for a while.
   
5. Find what resonates. Look over your notes, and find the feedback that strikes a chord. This is an intuitive thing – an idea or a suggestion will stick out to you, your thoughts will catch on it like a sweater on a nail. Take note of these. This is the feedback that’s valuable.
   
6. Implement.
   

 
Let’s stop thinking of feedback as “positive” or “negative.” Let’s think of all feedback the way bats use sonar. It helps us position ourselves in the darkness. It informs our next move. It helps us navigate. If we can stop taking feedback personally, we can implement it more effectively.

There is a fine line between holding ourselves to high standards, and demanding perfection from ourselves. High standards are important; perfection is impossible. One of the ways that we measure our own performance is by comparing our work to the work of those we admire. Ira Glass has some smart things to say about that. The other way we measure our performance is by asking others how they think we are doing. And we all know what it feels like to have other people tell us how we're doing.

One of the things I learned at my small liberal arts college was how to receive feedback graciously, and how to make it work for me instead of against me. I’m grateful for all of those seminar-style classes, all of those writing workshops, where I had to read a rough draft out loud – a rough draft! a thing that’s not even a real thing yet! – and then listen as one by one the whole group shared their thoughts.
 
It is easy to get defensive and try to explain the choice you made. “Well, what I meant by that was…” It’s easy to shut someone down. “I don’t think you understand what I’m trying to say here.” It’s easy to dismiss opinions that don’t make sense to you.
 
It’s also easy to take feedback as god’s truth. “These people are smarter than me, they must be right.” It’s easy to doubt yourself. “Maybe I should go down this other path.”  It’s easy to feel like a failure, like you aren’t good at what you’re doing. Like you’ll never get it right.
 
The truth lies somewhere in the middle.

I have a tried and true method for receiving and processing feedback that I promise to share with you next week. Feedback can be such a helpful tool if we can get over our discomfort and take it in.